...Thanks to all the assholes and fuckheads for making me come to this realization;

...Thanks to all the assholes and fuckheads for making me come to this realization;

I finaly know what kind of girl I am, well what kind of girl I'm seen as I guess is more accurate.
I'm the IN-BETWEEN GIRL. I'm the one thats a blast to hang out with. A good drinking buddy, will go to a hockey game with you......I'm great for when you've just broken up with girl. I fill that 'girl void' in a way that lets them hang with a girl but be able to act like a boy. And as every "in between girl"knows...... you're only needed for a short period of time, them once they realize that either:

1) they want to get back with the girl
or
2) they want to be single.


thats when i'm tossed to the curb. never to be spoken to again.

if you wanna be my frined, then fine, but if i'm going to be you in between bullshit temporary friend.... look somewhere else.
...especially if your a big asshole and aren't human enough to confront me face to face.
coward

It's been some time...

It's been some time...

Many things have been going on- I'm not sure where to start.
I think I'll skip over the drama, the overindulgence, the embarrassment and all that other jazz...
Right now I find myself in a strange place.
I feel very insecure, very self conscious. To the point now that I haven't been out to bars/clubs with anybody for nearly 3 weeks. Which in itself is a good thing. I've found comfort and liberation in running on my days off.
I run around Mount Royal, up and down those dam steps ( that IM proud to say I can run up twice in a row), around the winding paths and it feels great.
The first time I had made it up to the cross, to which I had never been before, I cried. Most likely from exhaustion and the burning pain in my lungs.
But I guess because I finally got up off my ass and accomplished something. It's a small mountain but..Baby steps.
I've now gone 6 times up and down that mountains. I'm becoming such a regular that people wave hello as they pass me..Or shout out "t'es capable" when I'm huffing up those 200 retarded stairs....
It all in an effort to be healthy.
And besides the stabbing pains in my lower back and the leg cramps in the middle of the night., I'm feeling good!
But my heart did tale a beating this mornign when I was listening to my morning radio show and I head his laugh. That big gaffaw laugh and then when I got closer to the radio to see if it was just me, I heard him talking and laughing....I wish I had not heard it and I wish I could just get him out of my mind...